Imagine a couple being blessed with twin children, only to have the husband pass
away just a few months after.
That was exactly what happened to Tammy in 2010. She and husband Hecky opened
their hearts to adoption and were blessed with twins, Bixia and Quintin, whom they got when the kids were 6.5 months old through Kaisahang Buhay Foundation (KBF). Hecky himself had a twin brother, and between Hecky and Tammy, they have 4 cousins with twin children too, and so twins really ran in the family. They fondly called the twins, “BBQ”!
During that time, Hecky had just completed his doctorate in Anthropology at the University of Arizona and also just started a bamboo bike enterprise with his UP mountaineer friends. He was ready to start a family and was excited for the very bright future ahead of him with Tammy and the BBQ twins.
On 07 November 2010, this future came to a close when Hecky died in his sleep. No warning. No premonition. All of a sudden, the future became very different for Tammy, Bixia, and Quintin. A future without Hecky.
Suddenly a widow, Tammy was left with the sole responsibility of being a parent to Bixia and Quintin. Since the adoption has not been finalized and the twins have only been with Tammy for a few months, the adoption agency KBF actually offered Tammy the option to rescind the adoption due to the tragic circumstances, but Tammy did not want to hear of it! There is no way that she will give up the twins! She is their mother and
they are not merchandise you could just return anytime.
Deciding to Adopt
Tammy and Hecky had made a decision to love the twins when they adopted them and they made the commitment to care for them for the rest of their lives. The fact thatHecky is gone did not change that decision nor did it weaken Tammy’s commitment. In fact, Hecky’s passing even strengthened it.
Adoption is never an easy decision to make. Choosing to love and take on the responsibility for a baby, much less two babies, is such an act of selflessness that will certainly change your life as you know it. Just like any parent, no longer do you live only for yourself.
Yet unlike biological parents, adoptive parents consciously embrace uncertainties (and fears) that the day will come when the child will ask about where he or she came from, that the child will yearn for something they could never provide, and that they will always wonder if their love and efforts will ever be sufficient to fill that void in the child’s heart. By the time the decision is made to adopt, the parents know already these risks
and they take comfort in the fact that they have a partner who will be with them through the journey for the most part.
For Tammy, those uncertainties were doubled because they adopted twins and then the journey became doubly difficult because she lost her partner as they were just leaving the starting line.
Six Years Later
Fast forward almost 6 years later, Tammy, Bixia and Quintin are the picture of a happy “complete” family. Even though they miss Hecky so much, Tammy has been able to admirably raise the kids on her own. With the full support of her family and friends, she has found completeness in motherhood and she knows that daddy Hecky is smiling down on them every day. Whatever uncertainties the future may hold, the BBQ twins give Tammy double the joy. She believes that sometimes tragedy brings out the best in people. It surely did so with her.
INTERESTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ADOPTION?
Please contact Kaisahang Buhay Foundation, #56 10th Avenue, Cubao, Q.C.
Tel. nos. (+632) 9121159 or (+632) 9131469.
Pre-adoption forum is scheduled regularly at KBF every second Friday of the month.